Sugar High

Anyone got a sweet tooth? Jimano's Pizzeria in Bakersfield offers one of the few "sweets" challenges available in Southern California.

People are particular when it comes to the way they test themselves with food. Some eaters prefer challenges that test their capacity. Other love heat. You have the dairy crowd, with their milkshakes and ice cream. A large crowd eats for pure speed.

There are other challenges that seek out the sugar psychos. I must admit that I fall into that group. If it's got a ton of sugar, I'm there.

Meet "The Beauty." This is a 3 lb chocolate brownie topped with 12 scoops of golden vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. What could be better than this?

You get 30 minutes to ingest this sweet mountain to get your picture on the Wall of Fame and win a T-shirt describing how you were "Tempted by the Beauty."

I was tempted all right. The brownie came to the table warm. It was gooey, chocolatey, and delectable. The worst part was figuring how to eat the hardened edges quickly.

My meal started with a fork, but after a bit I started to tear off chunks of the huge brownie with my hands. The ice cream was effective at softening up parts of it, but the ice cream vanished quickly. After a solid 15 minutes, my brain was on a sugar high. The urge to stand up and run a mile was very hard to control. Jittery, I plowed on to the amazement of the folks at the next table.

At 20 minutes, it was all over. Jimano's Pizzeria had their "first official" winner of the Beauty Challenge on June 18, 2011 (they weren't sure). They took my photo, but I was "flying" so high it barely registered with me. Made sure I got my shirt and I was on the road again.

Two hours later, I arrived at the Prickly Pear Cantina in Danville, CA and polished off their 5 lb burrito challenge in 30 minutes... but more on that in the next post.  There's an interesting tale there.

Please forgive the irony of me wearing a "Bodybuilding.com" T-shirt while I eat 9 lbs of food.

Double Header in San Diego

The time was March 21, 2010. I was meeting a friend in the Gaslamp District of San Diego for a burger challenge.

Not just any burger challenge. Da Ultimate Burga Challenge! Finish it in 30 minutes and it's free with a shirt. If you finish it in 60, you still get a shirt but you'll pay $25. It's a 2 lb patty on a thick bun, all the fixings, and a pound of fries on the side. It's probably five pounds of food.

The server told us to start, and we were off. I began by attacking the top bun, veggies, and some of the fries. The patty came next. It was cooked very well and tasted better than any burger I'd had for quite awhile. At 15 minutes, all that remained was a pile of fries. My finish at 17 minutes was proclaimed a record, narrowly beating out a 19 minute win.

Unfortunately, my friend needed more than the thirty minutes to plow through his oversized happy meal. :(

My business in San Diego was not done. Forty minutes later, I arrived at the site of my second challenge for the day. This was Shakespeare Pub and Grille, miles away but a world of difference from Nicky Rotten's. A neighborhood bar and grill was replaced by an English pub, replete with what sounded like a completely British staff. Their hospitality and kindness couldn't be beat. The signs on the walls represented a humor I hadn't encountered since watching Benny Hill.

Here it is: The Great White Whale Challenge... 2 lbs of battered cod, 2 lbs of "chips," and a side of peas. Finish this one in 45 minutes and it's also on the house with a shirt. Otherwise, prepare to shell out another $25.

It's always a steeper hill when you have food in your stomach. The fish tasted delicious though. My single reservation was doing this as a day's second challenge, but I still relished it. The fries were more than I would have liked.. ketchup and water became my best friends as I fought to get every last morsel down.

Thankfully the peas were no trouble at all. I swallowed most of them whole, and honestly, it was nice to eat something fresh after so many things salty. The staff really goes all out for the challenge: one guy takes the mic and announces you, then the whole place cheers you on as you get close to finishing.

And finish I did, at 37 minutes. A close chase but a victory nevertheless. I thanked the staff for their warmth and a great seafood dinner. I know a few friends who have taken this challenge, and we all agree it is delectable. Fish is a welcome change from beef and chicken.

On the drive home, I totaled up these two meals at 9-10 lbs and whatever liquid I drank. It wasn't bad for a day's haul. You can imagine the impending thirst that settled in following all those french fries, beef, and fish.

My only true regret was that another eater friend couldn't have tagged along with me. This stuff's always more fun in groups. Well, there's still time for future adventures!

April, May and June 2011

In case tomorrow is too hectic, here are the rest of the challenge compilation videos.

April 2011



May 2011



June 2011



These videos will be referenced in the future, but for now they are up. I hope you enjoy them. In the future I will try to develop better video material. I'm also thinking about including a written-out list of completed challenges and restaurant addresses.

Maybe that's too ambitious.

Something Different

The format of this blog takes on a very repetitve course. It's usually: "XYZ goes here, eats large item of food, shocks onlookers, leaves." That's the short version. My write-ups are much longer than that.

Some months back I thought about using slideshows to vary the content. After one slideshow, the concept was shelved. Maybe it seemed like a lot of work. In the interest of variety, the slideshow idea will be given new life.

In this post and the next, I will include slideshows highlighting all the food challenges completed in the first half of 2011. It might give the reader a better sense of what I eat on a month-to-month basis. My stream of consciousness usually jumps from one year to the next seamlessly. Most of my stories do not obey chronology so it's hard to gauge what's happening in reality.

The end of July will bring another slideshow, and there will be one video for every month to close out 2011 assuming I stay in this activity.

So, here are the video links.

January 2011



February 2011



March 2011



The videos for April, May, and June 2011 will debut in the next post.

It's a new step. Sometimes that's what you need most.

Precontest Staredown

I'm trying to figure out what these guys were saying. This photo was taken in the minutes before the 2011 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest Qualifier in Hawthorne. It was a June morning.

Kevin Ross, left, and Matt Stonie are having a war of words. Kevin's staredown is awesome.

Maybe it was a trash-talk session.

Kevin: "This is my turf, and I'll be damned if some punk from upstate is going to walk away with the win."

What is Matt saying?

Leave your answers in the comments section below.

Something Sweet

Richie's Diner is a chain with a few locations in Southern California. I know about them because I've frequented the location in Victorville on Palmdale Road.

Their food is similar to what you find at Denny's. The irony is this location of Richie's shares a parking lot with a Denny's. Richie's Diner has specials for various days of the week. One special that is carried all week long is their highly advertised "2 banana splits for $4."

It's a sweet deal for a sweet tooth. And I'll bet you can't eat just one.

Long Day in Vegas

The morning after driving 55 for nachos, I needed an efficient workout to get over the food hangover. My stomach still felt heavy. And the sense of dehydration was strong. Mixing the treadmill with a whole-body weight circuit, I came out of the gym feeling recharged.

It was time to support my friend. I drove over the New York-New York Hotel and Casino, sight of the planned qualifying contest. They put on quite a few minor events before the professionals get down to business. Employees of different casinos square off, they have cops vs firefighters, just a lot of fun community stuff like that.

There was one last chance to plead my case for a spot in the contest. My bid failed, but I did manage to sneak into an amateur team event and ate 8.5 hdbs in 5 minutes. It was exciting to be onstage in front of the Vegas crowd, if only for a moment.

 

The end of the contest left me pumped up and bewildered. Everyone seemed to have other things to do, which is understandable, given the importance of the contest and the magnetism of Sin City. So, it was time for me to make my own adventure.

I ended up at a small yogurt shop named, appropriately, "I Love Yogurt." It's located about 15 miles off the Strip within Las Vegas city limits. The place boasts an impressive 80s theme. Music, video game characters, Simon game stations... it was like being 8 years old all over again.

Here I am, posing with their 100 oz "Devo Hat Challenge." That's a plastic Devo hat filled with frozen yogurt and four toppings. You pick two yogurt flavors and two toppings, the server picks the rest, and you get 30 minutes to do battle. It's $20 if you fail.

The server "conspired" against me by selecting some difficult toppings: gummy worms and hard candies. Cold foods are no trouble to me, but those chewy candies are something else. I swallowed huge chunks of frozen yogurt to force down the candies. There were some moments of discomfort, but nothing serious.

And it was all over in less than 14 minutes. Apparently, this was a new record, beating out the 20-minute feat established some months back by some guy wearing a tie. My mouth was frozen. My throat felt like ice. But I felt like a winner.

Afterward, I went to hang out with my friend and had a great time walking across the Strip and through several casinos. It was an awesome night.

On my way home that same night, I decided to go off the Strip and visit Longhorn Casino. They're the only 24-hour restaurant I know of that features a round-the-clock burger challenge.

The Chuckwagon Challenge is a 1 lb burger, custom bun with all the fixings, and a side of your choice (I picked cole slaw) for $10. There's no time limit. Winners get a fancy certificate describing their insanity. I'd never done a challenge after 10pm before, and for whatever reason (at 2am) this irrational action completely struck my fancy. Maybe I was sad. Or tired. Whatever.

It tasted great. Maybe I needed wholesome food after all that sugar at the yogurt shop. The toasted bun was especially nice. My last meal of the Vegas trip was over in roughly 30 minutes.

I walked out, got back in my car, and began the 230-mile haul back to San Bernardino.

Home again.

The Unthinkable

One evening after "Rocking the Tot," it was off to Las Vegas to support a friend in the 2011 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eat Qualifier. There was no spot for me in the event, so I needed to find my own entertainment. It was Friday night and everyone was out in the streets.

My legs carried me to Cabo Wabo Cantina, home of an infamous 8 lb nacho challenge platter.

The "I Can't Drive 55" Nacho Challenge. You get 55 minutes to complete this task, or you're gonna get a bill for $55. The cantina is closely connected to Sammy Hagar. References and photos of him were everywhere.

The server brought my dish out and wished my luck. From the tone of her voice, I could infer she thought there is no way in Hell this guy is gonna finish. No matter. I attacked the platter with my fork, but it seemed like the pile was never-ending.

For the ultimate nacho fan, this challenge has everything. Steak, chicken, refried beans, shrimp, ground beef, sour cream, guacamole, shredded cheese, salsa, lettuce, and a bed of crispy chips.

After eating for 15 minutes, I realized I needed to pick up the pace. I requested a spoon and began shoveling spoonful after spoonful in. Not much chewing, but a lot of swallowing.

The pile would not die. Looking back, the toughest element of this challenge was all the chips. They never really went soft. Lots of chewing required. I got some down using water. It's too bad you only get 55 minutes, because there is a vast array of good-tasting food here. It's also difficult to appreciate the scenery.

Around 45 minutes things got very tough. Any sensation of hunger was long gone, my mouth was dry, and the nachos tasted like something else entirely. My body didn't want me to take another bite. My mind had other ideas. I pushed hard. Comparing this challenge to 7-8 lb burritos I'd done previously, I concluded this challenge was way bigger than advertised. This might have been 10 lbs of nachos.

The finish line came at 52 minutes. I needed to fight against the gag reflex several times toward the end. I guess it was too much too fast! The server was thunderstruck to see that I was done.

What happened next still throws me. Literally every single member of the staff - from the greeter at the door, to the chef, to the manager - came up to congratulate me and shake my hand. Gripped with fullness, I couldn't make much sense of the proceedings.

Then the revelations came. This was a 4-person eating challenge. And up til that night, not even a 4-person team had come close to completing it. In their minds, what I had done was unfathomable. Ludicrous.

All I can say is that someone needs to update eatfeats! Had I known this was a team thing, I would have brought some friends.

It was over. Nachos that night, and Nathan's in the morning! Time to cheer my friend on!

2011 Rock The Tot

Three hours after finishing the Killer Burrito at Chile Red, it was time for a tater tot eating contest. The location was Bar Louie in Arcadia, some 30 miles from Rancho Cucamonga.

The contest is held annually in April at every Bar Louie location in the United States. Every location crowns a champ, and the champ with the highest total is declared the national champion.

The staff was incredibly pumped up for the contest. There was a small crowd gathered, and a long table across from the bar was arranged for the participants to stand behind. We would have 6 minutes to devour as many tater tots as possible. They provided us with ketchup, water, and a paltry amount of napkins.

The contest format played to the absolute opposite of my strengths. 6 minutes is a sprint. I'm more of a marathon runner, from an eating standpoint. All I could hope was that I would be able to outlast the local competition, and that there were no Johnnie Excels hiding in the woodwork.

As a side note, Excel dominated the contest at the Anaheim location with a winning total near 5 lbs. You can read a summary of his contest experience here. He had a close battle with Aaron Ybarra, another talented eater with speed skill.

So... 6 minutes to get through as many 1 lb baskets of tots as possible. That's the gist of it. The bell rang and we were off.

My strategy was CRUSH-BITE-DRINK-SWALLOW. The manager was doing play-by-play commentary during the contest and said he had never seen anyone eat the tots like that before.

Well, it worked for me that night. I was the only competitor (out of 8) to finish two baskets and start on the third. The winning total was 2 lbs and 6 ozs, a low figure when compared to other tot-rockers across the United States. Second place finshed two baskets (2 lbs), and third place was right on his heels.

The $250 Bar Louie gift card, restaurant t-shirt, and makeshift title belt were a nice score.

It was a very exciting night. And a damn close finish. I'm hoping to come back to next year's contest and put up a considerably better total in the 6 minutes.

No pre-contest burrito next time!

Chile Red

Rancho Cucamonga is home to a very small Mexican restaurant with a very big eating challenge.

This is the Killer Burrito. It comes in several different variants, including one extremely spicy version. They all clock in at the $10-11 range. Eat it in one sitting and receive a free t-shirt as well as your picture on the Wall of Fame.

The restaurant staff on-hand was literally two people, the server and the cook. They insisted to me that the Killer Burrito weighed 3 lbs, but judging from previous food fights this was more in the 4-5 lb range. The burrito was flavorful and tender. Using a fork and knife I was able to get it down in 9 minutes.

The cook couldn't believe it when the server told him I was finished. He insisted on coming out from the kitchen to take a look, and yeah, it was legit. The server then told me the house record was 7 minutes. You know, I probably could have snagged it if I wasn't busy taking photos and fidgeting with my phone.

It might be possible for a mass eater to put away two of these burritos. Apparently one man made the attempt, but only got 25% into the second one before - uh - leaving his soul all over the floor. That was an hour-long effort as well. There are rumors of an upcoming burrito-eating contest at Chile Red, but nothing confirmed. These small places are usually a lot of fun and I liked my time there.

I'd like to go back and sample their spicy Killer. Decked out with jalapenos and hot sauces, it's sure to give a little rush. Maybe it'll help me break the 7 minute record.

Feeling Dirty

Freddy's Frozen Custard and Steakburgers recently opened a new location in Victorville. It's been busy every time I've passed by, which is more than you can say for several eateries in the High Desert.

Their menu is expansive. The offerings remind me of Foster's Freeze or Wienerschnitzel-Tastee Freeze. What stood out for me was their selection of frozen dessert treats.

How can you go wrong with something called "Dirt N' Worms"?

That's frozen custard with gummy worms and Oreo pieces, topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Sweetness. They should have a contest, I say. Who can eat five of these the fastest?

Big Papi's Burrito

Papi Chulo's Cantina in Scottsdale, AZ tempts the big eater with a massive 6.2 lb burrito. A poster by the doorway compares their "Big Papi" burrito to a small child. It begs a question with an obvious answer.

Yes, I'm ready to eat the weight of a small child in delicious Mexican food!

There it is. A small football covered in sauce and Parmesan cheese. If you want to get this behemoth on the house, you gotta wolf it down in 30 minutes. Stephanie Torres set the standard at the end of 2010 by annihilating this burrito under 3 minutes.

In true comic fashion, the manager asked me if I was planning on busting the record. I promptly replied: "Hell no, I'm just hoping to eat this thing." Inquiring after the rules, I was told there was no silverware requirement. So when the clock started I went to town.

This was the first big-burrito challenge I'd ever attempted using my hands. It was messy as hell. Food particles assaulted every inch of my hands. The innards of the burrito confronted me with a variety of tastes: salsa, cilantro, meat, peas, corn, beans, lettuce. A lot of everything really.

Done in 11 minutes and 4 seconds. That was the new second-best time for the challenge. They even gave me a certificate noting my time, and the date of completion in January 2011. The manager also gave me a $20 gift card for my next visit.

My only regret was using my hands. When I jabbed my knife into the tortilla, it literally went nowhere. Knife be damned.

At a Glance

Something about these chili cheese fries from OC Fair 2010 doesn't look right. Maybe it's the light. The bright, white plastic fork. The paper. Did I wander into the wrong feeding station?

These look better. It's probably because they came with a black fork. But hey, why are the fries so light?