3 ft of Cheesy Hell

This is the 3 foot cheesesteak challenge from Hermosa Beach. It's sold at Big Mike's Subs for $30, and you get 30 minutes to devour it. Winners get a t-shirt, a mention on the wall of fame, and a gift certificate for $30.

It's no easy feat to eat this monstrosity. In fact, when I visited this place November 2010, I didn't manage to win this food fight. I had the last bite in my mouth at the 30th minute. The manager refused to call it. Oh well. I'll be back, and next time it won't be close. It's rare that I speak with such boldness but 2012 calls for new directions.

Finishers of the sandwich are elite company of the competitive eating world. Damon Wells and Ben Monson finished it prior to become Major League Eaters. Right after I failed it, Stephanie Torres finished it to become the third successful challenger. Elite company indeed. If I could eat hot dogs like any of them I'd make more of an impression.

So it goes. And next time I go, I'll be taking that grey t-shirt with me damnit.

20K Is Pho Real

There haven't been many updates on this site lately. So, here I go. You're looking at the Pho Real Challenge, offered at the Bamboo Cafe in Simi Valley. It's comparable to most other pho challenges I've done.. 2 lbs of noodles, and 2 lbs of meats. I powered through the bowl in 18 minutes. That was second best to the house record of 12 minutes, set by another competitive eater a month before. Winners get a free shirt and a $25 refund.

The funniest detail of this challenge came from a customer seated several rows behind me. He ordered his own pho challenge bowl several minutes before me, but was still working on it long after I'd been declared a winner.

"What the hell? He's done? That guy's a beast. He's gotta have a tapeworm or something."

Well, tapeworm or not, it made for some good eating.

***

20K Club Revisited

Though the subject has sat dormant for months, I will be making a serious attempt at entering the 20k club tomorrow. If this subject makes no sense to you (or if you think I'm about to go running), 20k refers to calories consumed. Matt Stonie, Johnnie Excel, and I were discussing the feasibility of eating 20,000 calories in one sitting using real foods and nothing much came of the project but research.

Tomorrow comes action. Pictures and a report will follow.

Bull Shed

The Bull Shed Bar & Grill is tucked away behind a series of hotels in Bakersfield. GPS isn't helpful, but there are plenty of signs. If you can find it, you might be able to take on their Big Bad Bull Shed Burger Challenge. You get 45 minutes to tackle a burger featuring 2.5 lbs of meat and 2.5 lbs of fries.

Winners get a shirt and a free meal, losers get a bill for $30 and a very full stomach. At the time I took this challenge, there were two previous victors. And for good reason! You've got a lot of starch to contend with, so I tackled the pile of wedge cut potatoes first.



The waitress was concerned that I wouldn't get to the burger in time, but 45 minutes is plenty. The fries tasted great. It wouldn't have been bad if this was a 6 lb fry challenge. Switching to the burger, I discovered a dense bun that tasted sweeter than brioche and burger meat that was well-seasoned.

Eating at a leisurely pace, the challenge was over in 32 minutes. I'd estimate the whole meal at just under 7 pounds. The heavy bread and vegetable toppings add considerable weight.

The restaurant was quiet when I visited on a Saturday afternoon. Some guys were playing pool on the far side of the dining area, and there were a few guys at the bar. It was nice to eat in peace for a change.

Maybe I would have tried their mechanical bull machine if I was there during its hours of operation. All I will say is they have a solid challenge going. They need to get more people in the doors! The environment was welcoming, the food was delicious, and the servers were attentive. I can't say that about every establishment.

The Unthinkable

One evening after "Rocking the Tot," it was off to Las Vegas to support a friend in the 2011 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eat Qualifier. There was no spot for me in the event, so I needed to find my own entertainment. It was Friday night and everyone was out in the streets.

My legs carried me to Cabo Wabo Cantina, home of an infamous 8 lb nacho challenge platter.

The "I Can't Drive 55" Nacho Challenge. You get 55 minutes to complete this task, or you're gonna get a bill for $55. The cantina is closely connected to Sammy Hagar. References and photos of him were everywhere.

The server brought my dish out and wished my luck. From the tone of her voice, I could infer she thought there is no way in Hell this guy is gonna finish. No matter. I attacked the platter with my fork, but it seemed like the pile was never-ending.

For the ultimate nacho fan, this challenge has everything. Steak, chicken, refried beans, shrimp, ground beef, sour cream, guacamole, shredded cheese, salsa, lettuce, and a bed of crispy chips.

After eating for 15 minutes, I realized I needed to pick up the pace. I requested a spoon and began shoveling spoonful after spoonful in. Not much chewing, but a lot of swallowing.

The pile would not die. Looking back, the toughest element of this challenge was all the chips. They never really went soft. Lots of chewing required. I got some down using water. It's too bad you only get 55 minutes, because there is a vast array of good-tasting food here. It's also difficult to appreciate the scenery.

Around 45 minutes things got very tough. Any sensation of hunger was long gone, my mouth was dry, and the nachos tasted like something else entirely. My body didn't want me to take another bite. My mind had other ideas. I pushed hard. Comparing this challenge to 7-8 lb burritos I'd done previously, I concluded this challenge was way bigger than advertised. This might have been 10 lbs of nachos.

The finish line came at 52 minutes. I needed to fight against the gag reflex several times toward the end. I guess it was too much too fast! The server was thunderstruck to see that I was done.

What happened next still throws me. Literally every single member of the staff - from the greeter at the door, to the chef, to the manager - came up to congratulate me and shake my hand. Gripped with fullness, I couldn't make much sense of the proceedings.

Then the revelations came. This was a 4-person eating challenge. And up til that night, not even a 4-person team had come close to completing it. In their minds, what I had done was unfathomable. Ludicrous.

All I can say is that someone needs to update eatfeats! Had I known this was a team thing, I would have brought some friends.

It was over. Nachos that night, and Nathan's in the morning! Time to cheer my friend on!

Big D's Pizza

Sometimes life is a series of random circumstances. A coworker looked up the website for a small pizza parlor in San Dimas and inadvertently discovered that they had an eating challenge.

My reputation for doing this stuff is not a secret. I called for details and learned that this challenge was as-of-yet undefeated. That added a bit of incentive. It was probably high-difficulty.


It's simple, really: eat one of their large 20x20 square pizzas in 45 minutes and it's free ($20-25 if you lose). Winners also get their name on a plaque and take home a free t-shirt. When I walked in Friday night, the plaque didn't exist yet.

Mathematically, a 20x20 square pizza works out to 400 square inches, or slightly bigger than a 22.5" round pizza. That's huge. Typically, solo pizza challenges don't run bigger than 18" or 20".

But surface area is one thing, and weight is another. I was told this was a 6-7 lb pizza (all depending on whom I asked in the restaurant), of which 4 lbs were just dough. Given my past experiences, I knew it would be close.

Breads and other starches aren't my friends. This pizza boasted a thick crust.


It needed several minutes to cool. 45 minutes would pass quickly, so I decided to go as fast as I could in the beginning.

Doughy.... chewy.... I worked my way around the entire crust to eliminate the largest, breadiest section of the pizza first. About 15-16 minutes in it was more than half gone.

Then, predictably, things slowed down. The staff was convinced at this point that I could be their first winner, but they didn't feel that way when I first showed up. Admissions didn't come til later.

But... it was still a haul. Every remaining piece was a tedious, dry-mouth fight. Lots of chewing. Lots of water. Tension.

My colleague encouraged me to finish the last few pieces while Devo's "Whip It" was still playing over the sound system, but it wasn't happening. The cheese was now like asphalt.

Still, I appreciated the 80s soundtrack that accompanied me through my food fight.


All clear at 42 minutes. And dehydrated. Lots of water would follow those 24 squares of pizza.

It was a fun evening all around. This challenge just needs a little more publicity... I'm sure they'll be getting more takers (and winners) in the near future. Definitely not for the faint-hearted. There were doubts swirling in my mind (and stomach) at the end.

The proof is in the pictures.