Prickly Pear Burrito

A few hours after getting a 4+ lb sugar high in Bakersfield, I was ready to eat some Mexican food in Danville.

Here's their challenge:  a 5 lb burrito, complete with two types of meat, cheese, rice, salsa, and covered in more sauce and glazed with sour cream. They'll give you an hour to take it down. If you fail it's about $20. Since this was the day's second challenge (back in June 2011), I knew it wouldn't be a blitz.

Things proceeded at a brisk pace. Eating dessert before the main course offers a strange perspective, like you entered the store through the exit door. I didn't feel full but I wasn't famished either. There was plenty of room to store this delectable burrito. As I was eating, a very large man walked up to me and told me that he thought I could do it, and that he'd buy me a drink if I won. Well, eating challenges sometimes bring up strange offers in people...

And when I say he was big, height was part of the description. The guy was at least 6'9, taller than Ben Monson, and probably the tallest human being I'd ever up close. While I was continuing to chomp away, the server informed me that the gargantuan man was actually a member of the Oakland Raiders football team, and dined there frequently. Wow.

That wasn't the only interesting detail about this challenge. As I got close to a finish, a large group of diners suddenly stood up in their chairs and started clapping and cheering. They wanted to see a win! This wasn't something I'd encountered before. It made me a little nervous, but I concentrated on my plate.

Oh, and I can't forget the diner who suddenly ran up to my table, grabbed my camera and starting snapping pictures of me eating. That was both weird and appreciated.

When it was all over, the manager gave me a baseball cap advertising his restaurant. Several staff members congratulated me, and that's when I revealed my previous dessert challenge of the day.

Shock and awe just about sums it up.

Double Header in San Diego

The time was March 21, 2010. I was meeting a friend in the Gaslamp District of San Diego for a burger challenge.

Not just any burger challenge. Da Ultimate Burga Challenge! Finish it in 30 minutes and it's free with a shirt. If you finish it in 60, you still get a shirt but you'll pay $25. It's a 2 lb patty on a thick bun, all the fixings, and a pound of fries on the side. It's probably five pounds of food.

The server told us to start, and we were off. I began by attacking the top bun, veggies, and some of the fries. The patty came next. It was cooked very well and tasted better than any burger I'd had for quite awhile. At 15 minutes, all that remained was a pile of fries. My finish at 17 minutes was proclaimed a record, narrowly beating out a 19 minute win.

Unfortunately, my friend needed more than the thirty minutes to plow through his oversized happy meal. :(

My business in San Diego was not done. Forty minutes later, I arrived at the site of my second challenge for the day. This was Shakespeare Pub and Grille, miles away but a world of difference from Nicky Rotten's. A neighborhood bar and grill was replaced by an English pub, replete with what sounded like a completely British staff. Their hospitality and kindness couldn't be beat. The signs on the walls represented a humor I hadn't encountered since watching Benny Hill.

Here it is: The Great White Whale Challenge... 2 lbs of battered cod, 2 lbs of "chips," and a side of peas. Finish this one in 45 minutes and it's also on the house with a shirt. Otherwise, prepare to shell out another $25.

It's always a steeper hill when you have food in your stomach. The fish tasted delicious though. My single reservation was doing this as a day's second challenge, but I still relished it. The fries were more than I would have liked.. ketchup and water became my best friends as I fought to get every last morsel down.

Thankfully the peas were no trouble at all. I swallowed most of them whole, and honestly, it was nice to eat something fresh after so many things salty. The staff really goes all out for the challenge: one guy takes the mic and announces you, then the whole place cheers you on as you get close to finishing.

And finish I did, at 37 minutes. A close chase but a victory nevertheless. I thanked the staff for their warmth and a great seafood dinner. I know a few friends who have taken this challenge, and we all agree it is delectable. Fish is a welcome change from beef and chicken.

On the drive home, I totaled up these two meals at 9-10 lbs and whatever liquid I drank. It wasn't bad for a day's haul. You can imagine the impending thirst that settled in following all those french fries, beef, and fish.

My only true regret was that another eater friend couldn't have tagged along with me. This stuff's always more fun in groups. Well, there's still time for future adventures!

Desperado Gang

That's a lot of food. This whole meal is called the Desperado Gang, and you'll find it in Marina Del Rey in a small, friendly eatery called Outlaws Bar & Grill.

Let's see what we have: 2 lbs of hamburger, a thick layer of chili, vegetables, custom bun, guacamole, and a plate of fries. Looking back, it doesn't seem like much, but this was also one of my earliest challenges. Probably in the neighborhood of 4.5-5 lbs, which is on the lower extreme of the eating challenges I take on these days. You have one hour to devour the mess for a free t-shirt and your picture on the wall of fame.

Greg "The Floss" Moss completed this challenge at one point, but I believe his venture came shortly after mine. It had been awhile since I had done anything like this, so naturally I wondered if I would come up short. The hostess had seated me across from the kitchen, and the taunts of the cook didn't help much: "Good luck buddy, there's no way in hell you can finish all that."

Well, I proved him wrong. Eventually. 45 minutes later. This was before I learned the art of pressure, so it was a good leisurely eat. It was actually a really flavorful meal, given all the different tastes, but I could have done without all that bread. The meat was a little crispy on the edges, but it's tough to complain when you get your beef in 32 oz slabs. Eat big and suffer for it.

As I left, the server told me about a really tall, bald guy who tried to eat two of these meals as his friends cheered him on.

She didn't have any names handy. I wonder who that could have been.

Burritos in Bakersfield

La Mina Mexican Restaurant is a small restaurant chain located in Bakersfield. They have 6 locations last I checked. Some of these locations offer a burrito eating challenge. It's a good stopping point when you're visiting family in Northern California.

They feature the Arturo Grande Burrito, priced in June 2010 at $11.99 each. It's the biggest burrito on their menu. If a diner puts down two in one hour, they get a refund. If they can eat three, they eat for free and take home a $50 prize.


They look delicious. You get your choice of meat... I've learned to go with chicken because it seems to be the lightest. Their carne asada comes in thick chunks, and if you select ground beef they really load down your burritos with huge portions.

And that's where the difficulty of the challenge arises. The burritos really don't come in set sizes. I've taken the challenge three times, and every time the burritos have looked different. I've never failed this challenge. I also never took home the $50 prize. Getting past that second serving is hell.

Each burrito, filled with beans, meat, loads of rice, lettuce and tomato, must weigh in at 4-5 lbs. The staff couldn't even offer me a range. They remind me of the King Ranch Burrito at La Casa Garcia in Anaheim, though these pack much more rice.


Every challenge has gone differently. The pictured burritos were cleared in 33 minutes. That was my most impressive finish.

The third time I took this challenge resulted in a near-failure, because the kitchen decided to really stuff the burritos with rice and douse them in sauce.

The picture may not do it justice, but this burrito was significantly plumper than the ones above. Exploding with rice. Lots of beans too. I needed 58 minutes to clear both burritos it day. Almost didn't happen! It also didn't help that they refused to bring both burritos out at once.

My suggestion? Bring a scale. Someone needs to find out how much they're shoveling down on this one. The bet totally favors the house. At the Oak St. location they told me that I was the second and third successful finisher as of June 2010.

Now do I hear any takers for the $50 note?