Starchy Times

Giligin's Bar is a small establishment in Scottsdale, AZ. I visited them in January 2011 and to my surprise their menu included five or six eating challenges. There was standard fare, such as the hot wings that promised to rupture your colon, and the 12-egg omelet. I like to experience the bizarre. The 20-corndog challenge stood out. What grabbed my attention was the 5 lb tater tot challenge.

You get one hour to devour the pile for a free meal and a $50 house credit. Is this much starch and grease ever a good idea?

In a word, no. In a thousand words, look at the photo above. I should have went with the corndogs.

Big Papi's Burrito

Papi Chulo's Cantina in Scottsdale, AZ tempts the big eater with a massive 6.2 lb burrito. A poster by the doorway compares their "Big Papi" burrito to a small child. It begs a question with an obvious answer.

Yes, I'm ready to eat the weight of a small child in delicious Mexican food!

There it is. A small football covered in sauce and Parmesan cheese. If you want to get this behemoth on the house, you gotta wolf it down in 30 minutes. Stephanie Torres set the standard at the end of 2010 by annihilating this burrito under 3 minutes.

In true comic fashion, the manager asked me if I was planning on busting the record. I promptly replied: "Hell no, I'm just hoping to eat this thing." Inquiring after the rules, I was told there was no silverware requirement. So when the clock started I went to town.

This was the first big-burrito challenge I'd ever attempted using my hands. It was messy as hell. Food particles assaulted every inch of my hands. The innards of the burrito confronted me with a variety of tastes: salsa, cilantro, meat, peas, corn, beans, lettuce. A lot of everything really.

Done in 11 minutes and 4 seconds. That was the new second-best time for the challenge. They even gave me a certificate noting my time, and the date of completion in January 2011. The manager also gave me a $20 gift card for my next visit.

My only regret was using my hands. When I jabbed my knife into the tortilla, it literally went nowhere. Knife be damned.

Pizza Party In Phoenix

If you're going to throw a party, 24" of pizza should be enough. Venezia's Pizzeria in Arizona has the right idea, naming their two-foot diameter pie the "Party Pizza."

They offer it as a challenge to two people. Put away the pizza in one hour to win T-shirts and your photos on the Wall of Fame. It's not an overwhelming challenge, which may explain why they don't offer the temptation of a refund. I'd venture a guess and say the total pizza weighs in at 6 lbs. Serious eaters should be able to handle this whopper alone.

I went to Phoenix in the summer of 2009 to see my friend - we'll call him "Tap Out" - and we agreed to attempt this challenge together. The pizza came out scalding, but it cooled quickly so we dug in. The pizza was thin-crust and saucy. Nicely seasoned too. We handled half of it in about 10 minutes.

Things slowed down as my partner filled up and the "hungriest guy in high school" needed to pick up the pace. We reached the all-clear in 35 minutes and walked away victorious. "Tap Out" ended the night feeling very full.

At least we didn't Tap Out for real!

OMFG - I Ate Something Sweet!

It was an incredible way to end 2010... at least from a consumption standpoint.

It was over two years since I last visited a friend living in Phoenix, AZ. I thought New Year's Eve would be the perfect opportunity to sneak in a visit. He always got a kick from my massive eating habits, so it looked like the best of both worlds. Friends and food.

The drive to Phoenix irritated me slightly because I lost an hour when I crossed state lines. But no matter, since I would get that hour back when I returned home. We met up around 3:00 PM and immediately took off for Tucson east on the Interstate 10.

So after seven total hours of driving - and a load of interesting conversation - we arrived at Lindy's on Fourth in Tucson.

Their challenge is the 12-patty OMFG Burger... that's 3 lbs of post-cooked beef, 1 lb of cheese, vegetables and bun. It's about 4.5 lbs of life-shortening goodness. Eat it in 20 minutes and it's free. Man V Food fans know that Adam Richman needed more than 40 minutes to get it done.

This challenge almost didn't happen. Turns out that Lindy's closes at 5 PM on New Year's Eve, and we walked in the door at 4:30. The server told us that there wouldn't be enough time to do it.

No. I drove too far for this. I insisted boldly that I wouldn't need 20 minutes. That was a bit on the confident side for me, but the tactic worked. We got the burger.

True to my word - but tired from the drive - I delivered a 14 minute victory.


A $30 monster burger on the house... certainly tougher than the Colossus Burger in Henderson from the week before. I think the pound of cheddar cheese was the difference maker.

No one on the staff believed I stood a chance of winning, but I made a quick impression. Turns out only 3-4% challengers pull off the win. Once again I fall into elite, disgusting company.

As luck would have it, ABC-9 news reporter Jessica Chapin happened to be dining at the next table and decided to use my experience for a New Year's Eve news story. It was my first opportunity to be interviewed by the media after a food challenge.



Well... that was certainly new for me.


Next on the evening's agenda was the Sugar O.D. Challenge at Something Sweet Dessert Lounge, also in Tucson. I received my order exactly one hour after finishing the OMFG Burger.

What's in the Sugar OD anyway? 4 huge brownies, 4 huge chunks of cheesecake, 4 scoops of ice cream, whipped cream, cherries, and chocolate sauce. The staff insists it weighs 8 lbs, but I believe it's really more like 5-6 lbs. Whatever! It's huge!

And get this: it's tallied up at roughly 9,000 calories. Dangerously underweight individuals need to flock to Tucson immediately and try this thing out. It's $30 if you fail, but challenge winners get a refund and a free t-shirt.

It turns out that I depleted the brownie supply with this order. A night of close calls, indeed.


Out of some 98 attempts, I became the fourth person to take down the sugar overload. And whoa - I was 'flying' by the end. You get 45 minutes to take the challenge, but I only needed 30. My challenge time was the longest on record, but then again I went in with a heavy stomach. I'm not ashamed of my performance at all.

It was a heck of a night. Ridiculous. A fitting way for me to end 2010.

My next post will reflect on what I've done in the last year, and my hopes for 2011.

Happy New Year!