A Challenging Day

December 3, 2011 was a hectic day. I don't know if it'll quite live in infamy, but it certainly pushed the limits. There's a lot of good food in the Los Angeles area, but once the clock struck midnight there was about 16 lbs less.

Started things off at D' Lite Pho Lee in Rowland Heights. For lunch, I tackled their XXXL Pho Challenge. You are given one hour to finish 2 lbs of meat and 2 lbs of noodles. There were no previous winners at the time. Decided there was no real reason to rush - this was the standard pho challenge you see at so many restaurants. It was delicious. And in 25 minutes it was gone. They gave me this really sweet plum soda afterward.

So, really, how big was the meal? The server explained to me that the quoted weights (2 lbs meat, 2 lbs noodles) refer to post-cooking tallies. It's inevitable that the noodles will soak up some of the broth, you also end up slurping up some of the broth, and there's the usual water intake that goes with mass consumption. I can safely say this was over 5 lbs of food. Went in starving, but felt satisfied afterward.

The pho was done by 2 PM. After visiting family in the Glendora area, I met up with two of my competitive eating buddies in Little Tokyo. The Spicialist and Kevin Ross have eaten many massive meals alongside me. The Spicalist wanted to test his ability to handle two challenges back-to-back, mostly as capacity training for an upcoming bout with the 8+ OMG Burger offered by The Catch in Anaheim.

We met up at Wakasaya around 9 PM. It's located in one of those shopping centers you find in Little Tokyo. Their challenge is the 5+ lb Bikkuri Don, basically a large bowl of raw fish and rice with a huge miso soup on the side. You get 15 minutes to thrash the food, or you're paying $50 to the kitchen. Few people have beat this one. Kevin once held the house record here (about 7 minutes), and since he already completed the challenge opted to wait for our next stop.

The Spicialist and I ate deliberately. We dominated those huge donburi bowls. Our finish times were a few seconds apart (he nosed me out), right at the 10 minute line. The server was impressed, remarking that we made it look easy. I didn't mention the pho from earlier.

Amazingly, I didn't really feel anything after this challenge. Not full. Not stuffed. Just "in the zone." Kevin was certainly hungrier than the rest of us, so we rushed off to our final destination.

We arrived at Kosher Pizza World in downtown LA around 10 PM. Unfortunately, my camera battery was very low so I couldn't take many pictures or video. Their challenge is the 7 lb "Ultimate Destroyer Burrito."  You get 30 minutes to try and slay this soy-filled vegetarian beast. It was undefeated at the time.



Kevin went first. Guided by the magical powers of his orange hat, he destroyed the burrito in a record 7 minutes. The audience of restaurant goers were absolutely on their feet for this feat. You can hear me in the video calling out (annoying) color commentary. My hat's off to Kevin for this huge win!

Spicialist ate about 75% of the burrito in 15 minutes

Then, when the dust had settled, The Spicialist and I received our 7 lb challenge burritos. Kevin's record setting performance would be a tough act to follow. I blazed right out the gate, finishing half of my burrito in about 5 minutes.

Things became very difficult at that point. My stomach was nearly capped off. The owner of the restaurant recognized me from my Man v Food Nation appearance and suggested to me that I had a reputation to maintain. I would be lucky to maintain consciousness!

Every bite was now a battle. Water became my best friend, soaking and pushing down every last morsel of food. I was full, but it was still delicious. At about 21 minutes, I finally cleared my huge dish.

Relief, sweet relief sounded in my head. This was almost unbelievable. It was my first time attempting three "mass" eating challenges in one day (8 hour span) with success. It sure as hell wasn't easy. There were moments during the burrito were I really believed I would lose it. Willpower must count for a lot.

Hadn't blogged in awhile, so I figured putting up a quality story would make up for it. Spending too much time editing videos lately!

72 oz Side of Beef

The Iron Hog Saloon, a few miles away from Victorville, offers a 72 oz steak challenge modeled with near exactitude off the Big Texan in Amarillo, Texas.

Getting to the Iron Hog is a bit of a journey. After reaching Victorville, you must drive through several miles of dusty desert road. At some point you wonder if you're going in the right direction. GPS says that you are, but in the desolation you begin to doubt that tinny voice telling you to drive ahead.

It's a biker bar, yes, but they take their challenge very seriously. Here is the competition table. Once time begins, you get one hour to plow through the steak and various sides or you owe them $100. This price tag is a bit steep. I'd say it's the biggest deterrent to any brave soul taking the challenge. On top of the table is an official rundown of the rules and some local trivia.

Now it's time for some backstory. Prior to my visit, I had never done a steak challenge. The idea of trying to eat 4 1/2 lbs of meat seemed intimidating. When I filmed with Adam Richman on the set of Man v Food Nation a week prior to taking this challenge, Richman made sure to sell the point that I'd never done a steak challenge. But, facing a 3 lb tri tip sandwich (which I did for the show) is a bit different from facing a 4.5 lb steak with assorted sides.

Yeah, it's that big. Easily the size of 8 or 9 ordinary steaks that a man or woman would eat for dinner. Before my visit, there was only one challenge winner. Her name is Stephanie Wu, an enthusiastic eating challenger who completed several challenges and operated a sophisticated website documenting challenges before mysteriously disappearing. I hope she's ok, wherever she ended up. Her record time was 59 minutes.

The cook brought out the platter, let me choose my knives, and we were off. I chose to focus on the meat first. In about 8 minutes the steak was over half finished, so I switched over to the potato and tomato slices. Though I didn't have to, I also finished the optional lettuce and cantaloupe slices. They were good for varying up the flavor.



My finish under 29 minutes caused a small uproar in the restaurant. It cut the record time in less than half, so I understand the shock, but there's many eaters who could have finished this challenge in under 15 minutes. Knowing how to tackle a huge steak now, I'm certain I could improve on my own time. It made me nervous when customers would crowd in to watch, but it's not everyday that someone rolls in and manhandles the biggest meal on the menu.

And without a doubt, this is a challenge that I would love to do a second time. It tasted phenomenal, the cut of meat wasn't too fatty, and there are several sides on the menu so there's plenty to choose from. Given the price tag there's no way they'd let me have another one on the house.

They even have a guest book! There's only been two challenge restaurants, in my experience, that offered that nice touch. The other, famous for pancakes and weary travelers, will be the focus of an upcoming post.

Starchy Times

Giligin's Bar is a small establishment in Scottsdale, AZ. I visited them in January 2011 and to my surprise their menu included five or six eating challenges. There was standard fare, such as the hot wings that promised to rupture your colon, and the 12-egg omelet. I like to experience the bizarre. The 20-corndog challenge stood out. What grabbed my attention was the 5 lb tater tot challenge.

You get one hour to devour the pile for a free meal and a $50 house credit. Is this much starch and grease ever a good idea?

In a word, no. In a thousand words, look at the photo above. I should have went with the corndogs.

Pictures from Stadium Pizza - July 2011

As promised yesterday, here are some pictures from Stadium Pizza in Wildomar.

 

 

Dessert - Reese's PB Cup Pizza

Monster of a Burger, Part Two

Well, this is what was left of the Monster Burger Combo after 15 minutes. The manager does play-by-play commentary over the PA system as you chow down. He remarked that he never saw anyone tear into the burger the way I did. It only took me 6 minutes to demolish the massive hamburger, but the fries were too much. I stopped eating (and drinking) around the 13 minute mark when I saw it was hopeless.

The manager decided to credit me with his restaurant's first-ever challenge victory in 5 years. That got me a $25 refund and a t-shirt. He was impressed with the way I annihilated the burger and drained over half the pitcher. I was a bit crestfallen that I didn't finish it all.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done this after waging a double cheeseburger war with Johnnie Excel. Lesson learned.

A few weeks later, Kevin Ross rolled in and got even closer to a 100% finish. He nearly finished all the fries! I don't have photos, but he was credited with the second-ever win over the Monster Burger Challenge. Maybe one day we'll both roll in starving and go for broke. I feel like I could take this one on an empty stomach.

Stephen Obar informed me that he also completed the burger within 10 minutes, but was unable to conquer the massive pile of stringy potatoes. This challenge is a beast.

So who's next? Where's winner #3?

Shrouded in Mystery

Photo courtesy JAH facebook

Santa Ana Pizza Company started life recently. On Friday nights, they offer a habanero pizza eating challenge. The test is heat rather than quantity.

Information on the challenge is sparse. There was a listing on Yelp but apparently it was removed of late. A reviewer said that challenge winners would get a t-shirt or a free pizza.

There are a couple YouTube videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6UWs8jFKkE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1_kOkKtWU4

Maybe it's not an official challenge after all. Time to pick up the phone. With all the luck I've had with capacity challenges, heat has become the new frontier.

There's also a new huge pizza challenge in Eagle Rock if you want to push your gut. 28" pizza, no toppings required, one cup of water, 45 minutes. Free if you win.

The place is called Corner Pizzeria. They offer you a tasty way to risk $30. They told me over the phone that one man has pulled it off thus far.

Hmmm... eating a 28" pizza with so little water (and in 45 minutes) is a serious feat. It's gotta go on the list!

No Pho'olin Around

The Sacramento theme continues. Pho Bac Hoa Viet is a small restaurant with two locations in California's capital city, and they serve up their own version of the 4 lb pho challenge.

Meet the Pho King Challenge (try saying it quickly). 2 lbs of noodles, 2 lbs of non-orthodox beef cuts, and a whole lotta hot soupy liquid. You get one hour to eat the solids. No broth drinking necessary to win. Winners get a $30 refund, a free t-shirt proclaiming "Pho King" status, and a picture on the Wall of Fame. Losers pick up the tab and join the Wall of Shame.

You get a plate of roots, shoots, and leaves if you want to vary the flavor, but there's no need to use them. I liked how they set out the big spoon, fork, and chopsticks so elegantly.

They called it a win in 30 minutes. At that time (June 2010) they only had five winners, so maybe they rushed to judgment. There's still a few noodles left here. The server explained that all the previous finishers needed virtually the whole hour. I wouldn't say that 30 minutes is a record to scream off the rooftops though. It's only a matter of time before Johnnie Excel rolls in and swallows this thing whole in 12 [I'm kidding, Johnnie. We both know you could do it]. 

In case anyone wonders, the photo at the top is tilted on purpose. Let's see if anyone paid attention. And, honestly, I won't pick favorites between this and Pho Garden. They each brought their own aroma and palatibility.

You'll definitely get your pho fix if you come to this place. It was a small establishment, but everyone was incredibly friendly. They're thrilled if you want to try their challenge... even more so if you succeed. 

This "Pho King" challenge is not to be confused with the 12 lb version you'll find at Pho King Way in Texas! I guess everything really is bigger in the Lone Star State. Even the pho challenges.

Suki Sushi Challenge

There are a growing number of restaurants in the Sacramento area featuring eating challenges. If you like raw fish paired with rice, Suki Sushi might give you just the test you're looking for. 

The Suki Sushi Challenge is not complicated... put away 4 lbs of sushi rolls, a small miso soup, and a mandarin salad in less than an hour and your meal is on the house. They will also place your picture on their "Wall of Champions" inside the restaurant and on their website. The title of Suki Sushi Champion is, no doubt, a nice one for the collection. 

This was one of my favorite eating challenges of 2010. It was also among the easiest, coasting to victory in 30 minutes, but then again sushi is among my favorite things to consume. This was fresh food. So much better than the stuff I typically find at buffets.

They check your ID before you take the challenge, mostly to confirm that you are over the age of 18. You have to sign the standard legal waiver before they let you engorge yourself on fish. Although they encourage you to make a reservation, you may pretty much just walk in and order the challenge. That's what I did. You also get to choose from among several signature rolls so there is the spice of variety here.

Go north, my fellow eaters. Add more seafood to your diets.

Sumo Roll, One and Done

Nothing lasts forever, especially when it comes to food. Nori Sushi Bar & Grill, located in eastern San Diego County, demonstrated that in the recent months.

This restaurant is a considerable trek off the beaten path. You'll find it in the city of Alpine, some 40 miles east of San Diego proper, in a large shopping center across the way from Viejas Casino.

The item of interest (for me, at least) at Nori Sushi was the barely advertised Sumo Roll. There's no mention of it on the menu. It's not referenced anywhere inside the restaurant. If you happened to stumble upon their website you might have noticed it, advertised as the "Sumo Roll Challenge." 

You get 45 minutes to consume a nearly 5 pound deep-fried monster sushi roll. Succeed, and it's free with a t-shirt. Fail to conquer the beast and you'll pay $36 plus tax. 

Since there was little information about this challenge, I decided to inquire about it with the sushi chef on hand that evening in June 2010. Apparently the owner of the restaurant came up with the idea for the challenge. That was simple enough. 4 people had attempted it before me, and they all failed by a wide margin.

Because the Sumo Roll was still unbeaten, I was given the option of ordered it deep-fried or normal style. I went with the normal roll just because I don't particularly enjoy deep-fried anything. Besides, this way it would weigh a bit less and pack fewer calories. Why not make things a bit easier?

It took awhile to prepare the roll, but once it was brought out I proceeded to throttle the entire platter in 22 minutes. The sushi chef refused to believe I had actually eaten it (come on, I wasn't even that fast), insisting instead that I must have fiddled with the timer or hidden some of the product. Restaurant patrons who were watching me came to my defense. My success was recorded at 25 minutes.

They were amazed that someone finally finished their challenge roll. I was told that I could come back and attempt the deep-fried version on another visit. However, future challengers would no longer be allowed to order the standard roll.

How the times change... as of March 2011, I discovered through a friend interested in tackling the Sumo Roll that the restaurant had canceled the challenge. Dreams of a future deep-fried challenge went up in smoke.

Maybe they'll bring it back. And, hopefully, they'll advertise it more aggressively next time around.

Getting Pregnant

El Nopal Mexican Restaurant, located in West LA, offers a signature item called the Pregnant Burrito. The name draws different reactions from people, but it is definitely one of the more interesting things I've come across.

Take 12 oz of white-meat chicken, onions, avocados, and lettuce.... wrap it in a tortilla. Then douse the whole thing in red sauce and sprinkle cheese on top. You now have a Pregnant Burrito.

Before visiting their establishment last year, I scanned through Yelp reviews and discovered that they had instituted an on-going, no-time limit eating challenge featuring this bloated burrito. If you could best the standing consumption record by at least one-half burrito, you would be crowned "El Nopal Pregnant Burrito Eating Champion." Your meal would be on the house, and you would get a special golden restaurant t-shirt. Sounded pretty good.

Yelp reviews at the time indicated that the record currently stood at 2.5 burritos, but that was a bit out of date. Turned out the latest champ had downed 3.5 Pregnant Burritos, so I would need to put away 4 for a shot at posterity. I wasn't expecting that going in... still, thinking back to some of the other challenges I completed, I knew I stood a decent chance.

The restaurant was dark and cozy. I liked the environment... staff was friendly, chips and salsa were on point, though pretty much everyone wrote me off as having no chance of breaking the Pregnant Burrito record.

As usual, the first installment tasted really good. I appreciate avocado, and the chicken was really lean. But eating the same thing repeatedly always leads to the law of diminishing returns: less and less satisfaction from each new burrito consumed.

Even chocolate eventually tastes like asphalt. Extensive buffet experiences confirm this.


Some burritos look neater than others. Presentation counts for less during a challenge, but clearly this fourth burrito was totally soaked in cheese... therefore it probably also weighed more than the previous burritos. Consistency was an issue that came to mind, but I couldn't let those thoughts deter me. I needed to finish.

(Note: challenge pregnant burritos must be ordered with chicken and all fillings, but other meats are available for ordinary consumption... I tried to get a different meat choice, but the manager refused my attempt at variety)

These burritos must have weighed 2 lbs apiece, if not more. By the time I swallowed the last bite, the only thought crossing my mind was relief. The manager offered to give me another burrito, to see if I could press the record higher - but I politely declined.

4 Pregnant Burritos was enough for me that day. I needed just over one hour, which I didn't think was totally awful. It might have helped if they agreed to bring them all out at once... instead of one at a time as I finished them. The kitchen was not very fast towards the end.

Overall, I enjoyed the experience. This was the first time a restaurant challenge had involved the title of "champion." I wasn't sure how to handle it. Silence was my method. In fact, I don't think anyone ever knew I held the record at El Nopal.

My record stood from September 27, 2009 until mid-May 2010 when Jarrod set the new record at 4.5 burritos. My 7+ month reign was over, but my hat was off to the new man. That was no easy feat.

Voodoo

Things have taken a negative development at Sushilicious since the previous week. Despite already making an appointment for Friday, I was asked to reschedule because of fears regarding the lunch rush and the pressure on the kitchen staff. Those concerns are serious - how can you do an eating challenge if the restaurant can't accommodate you? Unfortunately, the men's plate record has jumped up to 60. I believe it can be topped, but it's a lot tougher than it would have been last time around.

Since I haven't written about any challenges lately, I will leave some remarks about an interesting donut shop I visited during the Summer of 2009.

Voodoo Doughnuts, with two locations in Portland, Oregon, has a reputation for good confections and an off-beat sense of humor. I arrived in the evening during the weekdays and was greeted by a crowd. After inquiring, I discovered that none of us were from Portland! We were all answering the distant call to try something different.

If you watch Man v Food on the Travel Channel, you'll recall that meandering food host Adam Richman visited this snack hole during the program's first season. They showed you how doughnuts are made, which I thought was pretty cool. This shop has lots of interesting doughnut varieties: The Black Top Mafia, Cock N Balls (dont' ask, because I don't remember and I didn't buy it), Portland Creme Pie (which is supposedly the official doughnut of the fair city), and finally the biggest doughnut you'll ever see in your life, the Tex-Ass Doughnut:

This is what it looks like on a table, next to a nickel - or dime, not really sure, but you get the idea.... the sucker is huge. I think it's roughly the equivalent of six ordinary doughnuts. It was thick, sugary, and heavy.

Any guesses on the nutritional damage? I'd put it around 2500 calories, or enough to power you through an entire week of gym sessions. It's mostly flour and sugar, meaning it was rather airy, but I still believe it weighed about a pound. If you think that ain't much, try going home and eating an entire loaf of white bread doused in confectioner's glaze. It's definitely a rush!

And yes, Voodoo Doughnut's does have an eating challenge associated with the Tex-Ass Doughnut - but you need to go when there isn't an incredible crowd clamoring for sweetness. You have to consume the entire monster dessert within record time - currently about one minute - with nothing but a dixie cup of water to assist you. If you succeed, the doughnut is free and you become the new champion.

Of course, the memorable Tex-Ass Doughnut only costs around $4, so losing this challenge certainly wouldn't spell financial ruin. I remain untested, though I certainly would have tried if the opportunity was open to me. I suppose there's always another chance for Portland?

If nothing else, Voodoo Doughnuts came across as very original. Their product easily surpassed the quality of any doughnuts I'd eaten in Southern California for many years - and for size? I think you'd better not mess with Tex-Ass.

Happy Halloween!

Sushilicious?

A new eating challenge appeared on eatfeats this week. Sushilicious, a sushi restaurant in Irvine, has begun honoring customers who can consume more sushi than any diner before them.

The restaurant recognizes separate male and female champions. The (current) male record stands at 38 plates, while the female champion burned through 20 plates to claim her title.

If you can top the current champion, you get your entire meal for free - including all the plates you eat on top of the current record. There's a certain incentive to gorge on this challenge if possible.

It's an interesting challenge, because it's not strictly about time or speed. You just need to outdo the reigning champion in terms of volume. Obviously, eating quickly will help reach your goal in less time - and increases one's odds of being able to establish a truly impressive plate count.

It's a conveyor belt sushi restaurant, so the good thing is you'll always have food to grab. You won't be held up by prep times necessarily. As of this moment, patrons are only limited by a one hour time limit, whatever their stomach can hold, and how fast they can convey the food there.

The mystery factor is how much "food" might constitute a plate. This restaurant sells sushi rolls, hand rolls, nigiri, and other fare you find in sushi bars. Not all plates are equal in terms of weight or item count, but all plates will count equally toward your plate count. There's room for some eating strategy.

I'm considering visiting this place on Friday. The challenge plays to a lot of my strengths, especially in terms of mass consumption and distance eating. I also enjoy eating raw fish.

Here's to hoping I can set a new record!

Facing Sancho's Challenge

Up in the high desert city of Hesperia, a small new restaurant named "Sancho's Tacos" has opened up. They haven't been around long, but I like their chances. The windows outside are extremely colorful, and the inside looks cozy. I'd say their menu offerings are authentic. They have lengua on the menu (tongue, for those of you who don't hable espanol), which is a definite plus in my book. If I have a hand in crafting my last meal on Earth, lengua will be in it.

But enough about lengua for now, we're supposed to be discussing Sancho! Sancho's offers a restaurant eating challenge - billed on the menu as a 4-lb burrito with the meat of your choice - that must be completed in 30 minutes. If you finish, the meal is on the house, your mugshot goes up on the Wall of Fame, and you get a nifty T-shirt advertising the nice little eatery on the long dusty road. Fail and you'll shell out about $20.

Unfortunately, your meat choices are limited to ground beef, steak, chicken, or carnitas. No lengua on this one. Oh well.... dream deferred, right? I went with chicken because past experiences have told me it is pretty easy to eat quickly. The cool thing is the burrito can be customized - if you don't like beans, you can swap it out for larger portions of cheese, rice, and the other stuff. I get it as is, because I like all the ingredients and I want to keep the challenge legit.

I'm suspicious as the burrito comes out. This looks a bit much for 4 pounds! Unless it's mostly hollow on the inside.... the server tells me that it's really just over 5 lbs. Is this a case of deceptive advertising? I'll let you be the judge. I came here to eat, and I'm going to let my eating speak for itself.

The inside of the burrito was stuffed with chicken, pinto beans, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, red rice, guacamole, cilantro and this bold enchilada sauce. I found the tortillas to be rather dry. I didn't enjoy the enchilada sauce much, as it tasted incredibly tangy. Not a bad meal at all. I was aiming for the 15-20 minute mark, but I got it done in 27 minutes. I was a bit disappointed. This was my first burrito in awhile, so perhaps I fell out of practice.


I became the second person (male) to complete this challenge in the time limit, and all I got was a full stomach and a T-shirt! I'm definitely going back to this place. The staff was friendly and warm, with better food to boot. Anyone who has a hankering for a burrito challenge needs to try this place out.

And in due time, my next post will FINALLY materialize: The Adventures of Endless Shrimp at Red Lobster!

Breaking Some Eggs

The most famous breakfast-style eating challenge in Southern California has got to be the Broken Yolk Cafe Special, which you will only find at the Broken Yolk Cafe. This small chain has several locations throughout San Diego County, the newest of which opened shop a few months back in San Marcos.

I made my first and only attempt at this massive breakfast platter in October 2009, as part of a family celebration. We went to the location in Carlsbad, which is right along the coast of California via the Interstate 5. It was a beautiful city. I regret not taking any photos of the town - apparently the thrill of the insane meal was just too overbearing. What struck me as most memorable were the constant, and goregous, views of the Pacific Ocean.

Anyway, this breakfast was recently made famous by Adam Richman on Man V Food. Adam did it in the more popular Pacific Beach location. I opted for Carlsbad just because it was closer to home. It's pretty much the same huge dish regardless of where you go....

A dozen-egg omelet filled with mushrooms, cheese, onions, and bell peppers, buried in chili and cheese, served along with a mountain of home-fried potatoes and two infamously dense biscuits. I'm not sure if they're buttermilk. The whole thing comes out on a 15" pizza pan for presentation value.

And yeah, everyone in my party was shocked at the size of the meal in front of me. Including myself. I hadn't done a challenge in a few weeks, and I really wanted to do this one because it sounded especially challenging. This would be a feather in my cap.... a jewel in the crown.

Or a hole in my poor stomach. I didn't realize what I was getting into. This was easily 6-7 lbs of sustenance. The over-cliched power breakfast: eat this one and sleep for a week. I was told that only one other person had ever finished this breakfast special at Carlsbad. The manager was hopeful that he'd witness a second.

I couldn't disappoint, could I?

Well, let's just say that it wasn't easy. It was a real show-stopper, requiring every last one of the given 60 minutes. I started with the omelet, which was piping hot but really tasty. Mixing it up with the home fries and chili was a delicious idea given to me by another eater, and I have to give him credit because it really gave the meal some variety. The omelet totally vanished in about 15 minutes.

Getting through the home fries was a harsh tale. They became starchy, very difficult to chew.... and eventually they tasted like asphalt. I relied on ketchup and water to pack them down.

My biggest mistake was saving the massive biscuits for last. They had hardened by the time I powered through the eggs and potatoes. I'm not joking about this - they felt like damn rocks. I could have used them for paperweights or baseballs at that point. 

Dunking them in water to soften them was the only option left, but that just made them really doughy and nasty. I struggled to get through these incredibly tasteless, wet, heavy flour lumps. Somehow I got them down by the 60 minute mark.

Honestly, I was incredibly relieved to have finished. I was #2 in Carlsbad, I had my free T-shirt, and my name would be on the plaque of fame.... and best of all I could walk away from the table.

This was one of the toughest challenges I've ever come across.

....as well as one of the most delicious. You just gotta do it a little faster to appreciate it.

Going Mad

Near Sacramento, there's a small town called Lodi.... right off the 5 Freeway on State Highway 12. It's a little bit away from the major metropolitan centers, involves driving through some farmland, and seems isolated, but once you get into the urban areas it's really a city like any other.

One colleague liked to tell me that if you've seen one city, you've seen them all. It doesn't matter where in the world (or country) you are. You find shopping centers, religious institutions, municipal buildings, eating holes, sewage systems, government offices. Names and spatial configurations might vary. But... a city is a city. A place where people gather to live and work, produce and consume. If only he told me that before I hit the road.

Lodi has those rows of businesses, much the same way you would find them in Hanford, Carson, or San Luis Obispo. I was there to visit a burger restaurant I had read about on EatFeats. Called Andre's Cafe and Catering, this place boasted a huge hamburger meal that would be completely free to any diner who could consume it in 30 minutes.

This behemoth of a cheeseburger is called the Madd Dogg Burger.... I guess you gotta be a little mad to order it, or mad to believe you're actually going to get it for free. It's 2 lbs of beef stacked high with double helpings of all the usual hamburger condiments.... tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, onions, pickles, and mayonnaise. You are also required to finish the side order of french fries.

The interesting element of the challenge is the fact that you can order any variation of french fries they serve - the garlic parmesan certainly sounded tasty, but I know that it's never a good idea to eat more on a challenge than you have to! Less is more, in this case. It's just a very basic strategy when it comes to restaurant eating challenges. I'm sure they wouldn't have minded if I asked for the chili fries, because I would have been the damn fool trying to cram down an extra pound of food.

As a side note, I vastly prefer hamburger challenges that feature multiple meat patties as opposed to one huge slab of beef. The patties are cooked separately, come out juicier and tastier, are easier to chew and swallow, and require far less liquid to get through. Giant slabs of beef, by contrast, tend to be baked until the point of dry blandness. They're hell to get down. They also don't really remind me of true hamburgers.

This combo costs $12.99, but it's free if you can do it in 30 minutes. I didn't take any snapshots during the challenge, because I was so taxed by the task at hand. I had never done a burger challenge before, and I really didn't know how to go about it. I began by eating the patties separately with ketchup, mixing in the veggies as I went along. The bun was no trouble at all, but I hated the cup of mayo that came with this burger. Ugh.

I finished the last french fry exactly at the 30 minute mark. I didn't think I was really going to make it! I was certainly glad I did, though. No point in eating such a ridiculous amount of food on a dare, and then having to pay $14 for a handful of french fries. I would have been just as satisfied with a smaller serving of food, and a smaller bill. 

It's all in the thrill of competition, and I climbed the mountain yet again.

I agree with this statement! Life's also too short to eat bad food. Andre's Cafe puts out some excellent American-style grub... I'll be sure to sample those parmesan fries the next time I'm in Lodi.

Let's just say that won't be for awhile....