Meats and Sweets

Time to report a Tucson double header. Not one eating challenge, but two, roughly 45 minutes apart during a roadtrip last January. All that driving and hanging out with friends and make you hungry. Tucson has a few big meals to satiate that drive.

La Botana serves up a 5 lb burrito challenge, but my gut tells me it weighed more than 5 lbs. You get 45 minutes to finish this behemoth or you'll fork over $30. The insides are filled with steak, rice, potatoes, freshly sliced jalapenos, salsa, and cheese.

There was no reason to rush on this one. It tasted incredible. I really liked the red sauce the potatoes were cooked in. My completion time of 18 minutes wasn't shocking, but the staff sure acted like it. Michelle the "Cardboard Shell" completed this burrito before her MLE days, and that's how I stumbled onto the restaurant.

After a burrito, it was time for dessert. I was going in for a rematch against the 9000 calorie Sugar OD offered up at Something Sweet Dessert Lounge. I'd already conquered this sugary monster, but they have nothing against repeat offenders.

Huge brownies, collosal chunks of cheesecake, vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry! This monstrosity is a full-on meal. When I ventured inside, the Wall of Fame consisted entirely of 4 serious eaters. It's not for the faint of heart. As tough as it was last time, I was back for more.

Things went more smoothly this time. Despite my earlier meal, I improved my completion time from 30 minutes down to 23. "Cardboard Shell" was the first finisher of this challenge, and still maintains the house record of 15 minutes 11 seconds. I'm happy enough being the first person to finish it twice. That's a ton of sugar. The "brownie sludge" at the end was the hardest part.. it was like chomping into sweet dirt. I'd say it needs more ice cream to keep the pile interesting.

One of these days, I'll learn to eat like normal people.

That's the Thing

The open road is boring repetitiveness after awhile. Like those madly repeating backgrounds from old cartoons. A visual song on infinite loop.

That's why enterprising people set up tourist traps. They catch suckers driving along these lonely highways.


The Thing is a famous stop near Tucson, AZ. It's a mixture of gift shop and mystery museum affixed to a Dairy Queen restaurant. Pure genius. The weary traveler's money pit. A little curiosity in the middle of nowhere.

Signs along both directions of the I-10 warn you to stop and see "The Thing."

I won't spoil the mystery involved. It was a special memory from a trip taken with family several years ago. My recent stop in 2011 was total nostalgia.

Warnings and beckonings persist for hundreds of miles on the freeway. You're primed to stop and see this place.


The thing is... there's nothing else there!

OMFG - I Ate Something Sweet!

It was an incredible way to end 2010... at least from a consumption standpoint.

It was over two years since I last visited a friend living in Phoenix, AZ. I thought New Year's Eve would be the perfect opportunity to sneak in a visit. He always got a kick from my massive eating habits, so it looked like the best of both worlds. Friends and food.

The drive to Phoenix irritated me slightly because I lost an hour when I crossed state lines. But no matter, since I would get that hour back when I returned home. We met up around 3:00 PM and immediately took off for Tucson east on the Interstate 10.

So after seven total hours of driving - and a load of interesting conversation - we arrived at Lindy's on Fourth in Tucson.

Their challenge is the 12-patty OMFG Burger... that's 3 lbs of post-cooked beef, 1 lb of cheese, vegetables and bun. It's about 4.5 lbs of life-shortening goodness. Eat it in 20 minutes and it's free. Man V Food fans know that Adam Richman needed more than 40 minutes to get it done.

This challenge almost didn't happen. Turns out that Lindy's closes at 5 PM on New Year's Eve, and we walked in the door at 4:30. The server told us that there wouldn't be enough time to do it.

No. I drove too far for this. I insisted boldly that I wouldn't need 20 minutes. That was a bit on the confident side for me, but the tactic worked. We got the burger.

True to my word - but tired from the drive - I delivered a 14 minute victory.


A $30 monster burger on the house... certainly tougher than the Colossus Burger in Henderson from the week before. I think the pound of cheddar cheese was the difference maker.

No one on the staff believed I stood a chance of winning, but I made a quick impression. Turns out only 3-4% challengers pull off the win. Once again I fall into elite, disgusting company.

As luck would have it, ABC-9 news reporter Jessica Chapin happened to be dining at the next table and decided to use my experience for a New Year's Eve news story. It was my first opportunity to be interviewed by the media after a food challenge.



Well... that was certainly new for me.


Next on the evening's agenda was the Sugar O.D. Challenge at Something Sweet Dessert Lounge, also in Tucson. I received my order exactly one hour after finishing the OMFG Burger.

What's in the Sugar OD anyway? 4 huge brownies, 4 huge chunks of cheesecake, 4 scoops of ice cream, whipped cream, cherries, and chocolate sauce. The staff insists it weighs 8 lbs, but I believe it's really more like 5-6 lbs. Whatever! It's huge!

And get this: it's tallied up at roughly 9,000 calories. Dangerously underweight individuals need to flock to Tucson immediately and try this thing out. It's $30 if you fail, but challenge winners get a refund and a free t-shirt.

It turns out that I depleted the brownie supply with this order. A night of close calls, indeed.


Out of some 98 attempts, I became the fourth person to take down the sugar overload. And whoa - I was 'flying' by the end. You get 45 minutes to take the challenge, but I only needed 30. My challenge time was the longest on record, but then again I went in with a heavy stomach. I'm not ashamed of my performance at all.

It was a heck of a night. Ridiculous. A fitting way for me to end 2010.

My next post will reflect on what I've done in the last year, and my hopes for 2011.

Happy New Year!