Precontest Staredown

I'm trying to figure out what these guys were saying. This photo was taken in the minutes before the 2011 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest Qualifier in Hawthorne. It was a June morning.

Kevin Ross, left, and Matt Stonie are having a war of words. Kevin's staredown is awesome.

Maybe it was a trash-talk session.

Kevin: "This is my turf, and I'll be damned if some punk from upstate is going to walk away with the win."

What is Matt saying?

Leave your answers in the comments section below.

Long Day in Vegas

The morning after driving 55 for nachos, I needed an efficient workout to get over the food hangover. My stomach still felt heavy. And the sense of dehydration was strong. Mixing the treadmill with a whole-body weight circuit, I came out of the gym feeling recharged.

It was time to support my friend. I drove over the New York-New York Hotel and Casino, sight of the planned qualifying contest. They put on quite a few minor events before the professionals get down to business. Employees of different casinos square off, they have cops vs firefighters, just a lot of fun community stuff like that.

There was one last chance to plead my case for a spot in the contest. My bid failed, but I did manage to sneak into an amateur team event and ate 8.5 hdbs in 5 minutes. It was exciting to be onstage in front of the Vegas crowd, if only for a moment.

 

The end of the contest left me pumped up and bewildered. Everyone seemed to have other things to do, which is understandable, given the importance of the contest and the magnetism of Sin City. So, it was time for me to make my own adventure.

I ended up at a small yogurt shop named, appropriately, "I Love Yogurt." It's located about 15 miles off the Strip within Las Vegas city limits. The place boasts an impressive 80s theme. Music, video game characters, Simon game stations... it was like being 8 years old all over again.

Here I am, posing with their 100 oz "Devo Hat Challenge." That's a plastic Devo hat filled with frozen yogurt and four toppings. You pick two yogurt flavors and two toppings, the server picks the rest, and you get 30 minutes to do battle. It's $20 if you fail.

The server "conspired" against me by selecting some difficult toppings: gummy worms and hard candies. Cold foods are no trouble to me, but those chewy candies are something else. I swallowed huge chunks of frozen yogurt to force down the candies. There were some moments of discomfort, but nothing serious.

And it was all over in less than 14 minutes. Apparently, this was a new record, beating out the 20-minute feat established some months back by some guy wearing a tie. My mouth was frozen. My throat felt like ice. But I felt like a winner.

Afterward, I went to hang out with my friend and had a great time walking across the Strip and through several casinos. It was an awesome night.

On my way home that same night, I decided to go off the Strip and visit Longhorn Casino. They're the only 24-hour restaurant I know of that features a round-the-clock burger challenge.

The Chuckwagon Challenge is a 1 lb burger, custom bun with all the fixings, and a side of your choice (I picked cole slaw) for $10. There's no time limit. Winners get a fancy certificate describing their insanity. I'd never done a challenge after 10pm before, and for whatever reason (at 2am) this irrational action completely struck my fancy. Maybe I was sad. Or tired. Whatever.

It tasted great. Maybe I needed wholesome food after all that sugar at the yogurt shop. The toasted bun was especially nice. My last meal of the Vegas trip was over in roughly 30 minutes.

I walked out, got back in my car, and began the 230-mile haul back to San Bernardino.

Home again.

Monsterburger Royale

Professional eaters and hangers-on will converge upon the city of Hawthorne, CA this June when the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Championship Qualifying Contest rolls into town.

Some enterprising souls may wander away to B&R's Old Fashion Hamburgers to sample the specimen featured above.

The Monster Royal Burger.

16 oz of pre-cooked meat, chili, cheese, eggs, lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, banana peppers, and your choice of bacon or pastrami. I picked pastrami.

It's like a Fatburger or the Original Tommy's, just a lot messier and straight to your table with that feeling of home.

A poster on the wall claims it weighs 1.5 lbs all dressed up. Apparently there's even a yearly speed eating contest with this thing every October. Unless it's been canceled.

Definitely worth the $8.50 (back in October 2009). I gave it a good home. The restaurant was clean inside, the staff inviting, the regulars cordial and enthusiastic.

One customer couldn't stand the sight of such an overwhelming burger: "Why would you want to eat that?!"

Not sure how I should have replied. It was definitely an awesome eat. B&R's know their stuff.

The Coney Island Crazies

My thoughts this week have been consumed by the wild events surrounding this year's July 4th Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.

Yes, Joey Chestnut returned to claim his fourth straight title. That certainly was news.

But the even bigger news was all of the shortcomings of this year's event.

1) Joey didn't even come close to the astronomical figures he's reached in years past. Sure, 54 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes is an insane eating feat, but this man has done 64 and 68 previously.

2) Takeru Kobayashi was not in contention, which dramatically lowered the expectations for the showdown. This man was once synonomous with the hot dog contest, a champion of multiple years, originally responsible for doubling the winning total. A contract dispute which turned ugly kept him in the stands.

3) One of my friends onstage must have had a bad day! I expected a bigger performance, but I'm sure next year will turn out much differently. This has been a miserable hot dog season all around.

I can only hope that next year will be a little bit better.

2010: Nathan's in Las Vegas was Energetic!

The 10-minute hot dog speed contest held this last week, May 6, right outside the NY-NY Hotel and Casino was simply exhilarating. There was excitement on-stage: how many hot dogs would the professional newcomer Ben Monson consume? Would the other guys push him to his limits? I had little doubts about Ben's win, but I was wondering how many dogs and buns I would put down.

In my mind, I was pushing to hit 15-20 hot dogs and buns. Given my track record, I knew it was ambitious. Hot dogs are a difficult food to eat quickly, since the two components really need to be eaten separately. The strategy element can be difficult to pull off when you're under the gun and the seconds are ticking by!

I managed to finish 12 hot dogs and 11 buns in the 10-minute contest. That was good enough for 4th place out of 12 total competitors, which I thought was a decent result. The three men who finished ahead of me were all signed pros at one time or another, so their ability is hard to question. I just need to kick it up a notch if I want to hang with them at speed consumption!

In all honesty, I didn't like the particular hot dogs used. Maybe it was just the cooking.... I don't know. They had a thick skin on them, were hard to rip apart and chew, and felt very greasy. I needed a lot of water to get that stuff down. I was so thirsty afterwards (think: salt overload) that I probably drank a full gallon of water. My stomach wasn't entirely full, but I was glad the contest was over.



You can't see me in the video, because I was standing at the extreme left end of the stage.

All in all, I had a great time out there - and you know I'd do it again! Let's just hope I can do it better next time out. And once again, my thanks to the crowd. It wouldn't have been the same without them.

The View from the Stage is Incredible

There's nothing like viewing the world from the contest stage.

 
Shakespeare once wrote that all the world's a stage, and the people on it are merely players. That may be. During a speed eating contest, there is a very real stage... and a fortunate dozen souls get to occupy it, fighting for a small piece of glory.

The rush of performing in front of an enthusiastic, cheering crowd almost escapes description. There's a tremendous rush of adrenaline. You feel this urge to give the people what they want, pull out all the stops, and put on a display worthy of their time and attention.

 I can only imagine what it feels like to achieve victory in these conditions.... to have people celebrating your name in a public gathering. I've been thrilled to pull off challenge victories in small restaurants, with maybe a dozen individuals singing your praises.

As an afterthought.... is it just me, or is there something odd about people treating a speed eating contest as if it were some kind of sporting spectacle?

The number of people who came out to watch the 2009 Nathan's Famous qualifiers in Las Vegas, NV and Tempe, AZ was simply astounding. No more than high hundreds probably, but they made the contest a true thrill. I felt less like a messy eater and more like an entertainer. The crowd is in my gratitude for that.

Will I ever be victorious on the contest stage? Can I pull out all the stops, and blow past my formidable rivals? I don't know right now. But I'll certainly put forth my damned best, with so many people watching!

Hot Dog Speed Run

I've been practicing for the upcoming Nathan's 2010 Hot Dog Eating Contest Qualifiying Circuit.....



This was the first time I actually recorded myself attempting to "speed eat," though other people have recorded me participating in eating contests.

Looking at my video, I realize that I spent way too much time on the buns. I'm going to have to get better about that during my next practice session.

I managed to eat two hot dogs and buns in 1:20, which would be extrapolated to 15 hdbs (the semi-official abbrieviation for hot dogs and buns in the eating world) in the ten minute contest run. This assumes I can maintain a constant speed for the duration of the contest. Some people actually speed up as a contest goes on. I gotta hope for that!

I figured it made sense to practice with a small number of hdbs, since otherwise I'd be ingesting huge amounts of calories for no real benefit.

My goal on the contest stage is to put away 15-20 hdbs. I'm hoping I can get there!