A Very Big Pancake in Fresno

Fresno is a beautiful city.

It takes some time to appreciate that. Fresno is hidden beyond hundreds of miles of paved highway and farmland on all sides. But once you get to the city, you can see that it is full of life and worth visiting.

I found Fresno on my way back from another one of my famous drives up north. Returning from San Jose, I pulled through Gilroy to sample some of that famous garlic ice cream (it's delicious!) and decided to take Highway 152 east all the way to the great city of Fresno.

Why would I venture to Fresno, you ask? Isn't it the gateway to some famous tree park? Well, maybe. But what brought me to Fresno was the same pull that brought me to the Bay Area a week earlier.

That's right.... food. Oversized portions of food, to be exact. Some restaurant or another was offering a grotesquely large meal that would be free if I could eat it all in a set period of time. It's my hobby, after all. I am a competitive eater.

And what could be better than eating for free?

(Money, fame, notoriety, power . . . those would sweeten the deal, but alas, none of those were up for grabs this time out. I would have to settle for a clean bill)

I actually had a good trip in Northern California. I visited the Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, got caught up in the typical tourist traps, sampled Ghirardelli's ice cream, and even conquered three eating challenges before the necessity of returning to ordinary life caught up with me.

This necessity -- to go home -- brought me to Fresno. I drove east along highway 152 and found myself in a beautiful city, complete with street lights, paved roads, concrete buildings, sunlight, and snow-capped mountains in the distance.

I could have called Fresno home.... except for the fact that my actual home was some 400 miles south.

What called my name in the great city of Fresno was a little breakfast spot called "Batter Up Pancakes." Yes, the baseball theme is obvious, complete with the picture of a little-boy-swinging-a-baseball-bat as the shop's icon -- all over the walls, door, and menu -- but it was cute. I like how the word "batter" was also a pun referring to the wet doughy substance that eventually became pancakes after you applied them to a griddle.

Batter Up Pancakes was offering a breakfast feast called "The Grand Slam Challenge," which is really just ten scrambled eggs with diced potatoes and cheese atop a 25-ounce pancake. The menu said it should feed 4-6 persons, but it would be free to any diner who could stomach it alone.

I'm always up for a challenge!

But there was more, the server told me. This particular challenge had never been answered before. The closest anyone had come was about halfway, and that particular diner needed to use a garbage can after his 45-minute time limit expired.

I was intrigued by this place before I even placed my order. The short-order cooks flipped oversized pancakes using large spatulas in clear view of the customers. I couldn't tell how big the flapjacks were, but they were big! Paul Bunyan would have been proud.

"So," I asked the cashier as I paid for meal, "will I be eating one of those pancakes?"

"Oh, no," she responded without missing a beat. "You'll be eating five of our regular pancakes!"

Holy hell! Their basic pancake weighed in at five ounces! What was I in for, attempting to eat a 25-ounce pancake? It would take me days to chew through all that flour.

I sat down determined to make history in Fresno. I would be the first person to eat this insane breakfast meal.

Okay, some honesty is in order now. I really didn't know if I could do it right there at the beginning. I had conquered many eating challenges before, but this was something I had never encountered.

This was an original concoction!

It looked beautiful and delicious.

I never knew what ten scrambled eggs looked like before. Now I knew.

I never knew what a 25-ounce pancake looked like before. Now I knew.

Looking at the plate brought out in front of me, I felt smarter. Enlightened.

I felt hungry! I hadn't eaten since the previous evening. It was 12:00 noon, and here was 4-5 pounds of scrumptious grub arranged in front of me.

People crowded around to take photos, as usual. I'm used to being the total public spectacle when I take on these food challenges.

The manager of the restaurant explained the rules to me. Nothing fancy - you have 45 minutes to eat this thing, no bathroom breaks, you can't leave the restaurant, and you can't get help. Eat it all and it's free.

He started the timer - and I dug in!

It was absolutely delicious, as I recall. I concentrated on the egg medley, taking in spoonful after warm spoonful until I had rendered the 1.5 pound pancake naked and helpless. I blazed through the egg, potato, and cheese mix in barely 12 minutes. I would have plenty of time to eat the pancake.

Of course, chomping through that much bread is much harder than it looks. I tore off huge chunks of the pancake and ate it with my hands. I wasn't chancing it by looking dainty and using silverware. I took a bite of pancake, then took a good drink of water to push it down. Bite, drink, swallow.

Bite, drink, swallow. Bite, drink, swallow.

When I had about half the pancake left, I felt that I couldn't take another bite. My mouth was dry as a bone.... my stomach felt stuffed up with floury evil. But I was determined not to lose! With the whole restaurant watching me, I pushed on.... I poured my water cup all over the remaining pancake and let it soak into a soft, gooey mess. I kept eating.

I finished the meal at the 42nd minute. I made history in Fresno!

The restaurant crowd exploded into cheers and applause. No one had seen this done before. No one believed it was possible.

I became some sort of local eating star. Everyone wanted to take my picture with the empty plate. Nearly every employee of the restaurant came out to shake my hand. One of them took my name and picture and gave me some face-time on Facebook.

My name and picture are the first to adorn Batter Up Pancakes' "Wall of Fame." I set the standard that day. I was the champion! (I'm exaggerating this a bit, but let me have my moment!)

I received my refund, a souvenir mug, a free t-shirt, and an all-around salute.

I never saw as many smiling faces as I saw that day.

Fresno - such a beautiful city, and so many memories.