Orochan's Bowl of Lava

Ah yes, we continue with a hot story already in progress. The incredibly spicy Special #2 ramen challenge at Orochan Ramen in Los Angeles will net you a pic on the "Wall of Bravery" if you can survive.

So how hot was it? Well, aside from the few noodles, vegetables, and peppers in the bowl, you are dealing  with red chili powder dissolved in water. It's hell in a bowl. It's gonna be hell in your mouth, hell in your esophagus, hell in your stomach, hell in your intestines... you get the picture.

I powered through the bowl in 20 minutes via sheer stubbornness. As my coworker and friend Steve Mucci put it: "There's no pause button with you." And he's right. I drained the bowl mostly with large gulps, but I used a straw at times.

Luckily the friend who accompanied me was not Mucci, but a medical student from back East. What happened next mixes equal parts comedy, insanity, and medical emergency. We left the ramen house in search of some ice cream to celebrate. My stomach started cramping as we walked, and each step became increasingly laborious.

Well, that should teach me not to eat such hot food on any empty stomach (note to self: your strength is capacity challenges. Skip the hot stuff in the future). I stumbled a bit, the pain in my gut enough to make me double over. Within minutes I was laying on the sidewalk in the Little Tokyo shopping district.

A few kids on skateboards came up to me. They could tell I was in mortal pain, but I waved them away. Damn kids, can't you see I'm hurting? Don't even wanna talk. Get on your boards and get the hell away from me.

My friend had already ran to the local drugstore when he saw me doubled over. He nearly called 911 when he saw me sprawled out on the concrete. Well, the future doctor brought me the right prescription: a roll of Tums, two packages of Pepto-Bismol, and a bottle of water. Everything went down the hatch. Then I waited. The rumbling stopped, and I could walk about.

I felt golden again. Couldn't say no to green tea ice cream at that point.

And this is where I should probably forget to report tackling a team pizza challenge with Matt "Sweet Tooth" Cohen that evening, after the ramen. But what the hell. No pause button.